Gale to a Breeze

This is exactly how the past few days have been- comforting breeze from a violent gale. The feeling was amZing when my first client called last night and thanked me for the service, handed over 6 months back. Things seem settling down- got the landline at the office today- got to spend three days at the office in a weeks- projects under control..hope things stay the same way.

::BJ:::::... :::::...:on...:::d::...m::ov..e

Vibes

Vibes has been my best trusted compass for a while now- time tried and tested. Off late havent been feeling great vibes towards a particular project. Worst case scenario, we may hv to wind up- but seriously No Big Deal. Its wierd but i am actually looking frwd to it. Cos, this is the max, unconcerted, focussed and sincere efforts I can put it. Beyond this, guess a large company is the need of the hour instead of a small start up like mine. Hope it isnt get a dirty but a dignified affair. Need a break though. Time is what i stand to gain- to work, and move things forward. No the flip side, the only thing that wud get compromised is my finances. But having come so far, i thing i would somehow manage this. To conclude, its a funny feeling i have been dealing with for a while, hope there is new door waiting to open.

::BJ:::::... :::::...:on...:::d::...m::ov..e

Stress

Everyone around me says i am stressed out, need to chill, eat on time etc etc....of course i am stressed out. But then, what do u do,
A)when performances standards are being raised higher as the day goes by,
B)deliverables are lagging behind,
C)each day begins with new hopes of to-does, but end up as backlogs,
D)time is spent way too much on the meetings instead of actually thinking and putting things together,
E)when a particular project demands exceptional focus,
F) when u realise that out of 90 days of opening a new office, you manage to spend only 23 in the premise
G) implementation of operational systems is still pending
H) car is my whole and sole mate

Of course i am stressed.

::BJ:::::... :::::...:on...:::d::...m::ov..e

Phase to remember

Perhaps its the deepest trough i have ever been in my life. Experiencing a whole cocktail of different emotions. To summarise, I am free, I came out winning (depends how is it defined). BUT it took the following experiences over a three day period to do so - embarassment, shame, fear, guilt, depression, near death, repentance, redemption, hope, disgust, unforgiveness, desperation, renunciation, suicide, lost, et all. Glad its over, glad I died, glad i lost pieces of my armour, glad i fell, glad i cried. Its a new beginning, all over again.

::BJ:::::.. :::::...:on...:::d::...m::ov..e

Life tests

All the way till now- to be equally fair- it has been journey where i havnt encountered any difficulties in LIFE as what we are used to hear and read. Life has been good- thanks to good upbringing, great spouse, greatest parents, wise friends and a strong logical gray matter in control of most of the things. But now after 30 years, i think i am facing the biggest challenge/ dilemma/ difficulty in my life. Glad that i have realised and have been realising this. Time to evolve and move on to the next level in life. And i have to succeed, no matter what

::BJ:::::.. :::::...:on...:::d::...m::ov..e

Breathe slow focus hard

What a ride its been since the last 9 months- its like drifting in the sea - unpredictable, bout of calmness and roughness, oscillating between 'this is it' and 'this is nothing'. Experiencing new thresholds, redefinition of illusions, belief, confidence, despair, frustration, desperation et all- a total emotional cocktail. Have two projects closing out in the next one week and the 'pressure' is unbelievable to experience, jsut hope things turn out atleast 80% as expected.

::BJ:::::... :::::...:on...:::d::...m::ov..e

Breaking the Barrier

Well have been dilly dallying quite a bit over the 45 days- whether to 'break the barrier' or 'stay content'. Finally after much deliberation, 'break the barrier' has been the war-cry. Well, i have heard the following quite often- but have been lucky to experience over the past 6 months

a) You are simply as good as what you think you are

b) If you are good- you will have your share- no matter what the market (read world) trend is

c) Things may not necessarily go the way you plan

d) Man Proposes - God Disposes ( in my case,,its been for my own good)

So, to sum up the 'journey' has been really worthwhile. Never ever even for a second have i regretted the decision of change of tracks- in fact the more i think of it- wider is my smile. Also never to discount the fact that the world has been kind to me and have been sumptiously encashing on the beginners Luck.

Neways- Break the barrier is the word- Here i Come...........................

backwater

:::...::::B J::::::.......:::::::::::on::d:::...::m::ove